Travel with the pros

It was only my third time in Vegas but I reached my Vegas Moksha.

Rio Hotel, Vegas

My first time was with my ex bf and now good friend and business partner. We saw Ka by Cirque Du Soleil. I got us premium tickets at MGM and all. Best theater ever. The second time, I went with a childhood friend. We had our second lap-dance together from the same person. This was post yelling and pulling out skeletons from our 8th grade closets at the main stripper stage. Good time again. The third time was, ahem, a divorsary. This was my favorite time.


My very good friend got a multi-story divorsary cake for herself. It had a bride figure on top, a mangled, supposedly dead groom at the bottom and cranberry sauce for blood, the groom’s blood of course. We had the VIP section at Rio hotel, bottle service as we chatted with various groups of the opposite species from around the world. One of our friends got us in Mirage free through connections the night before.

Fast forward next afternoon.

Friend (who has a bf): Ladies, are you sure you want me to draw the curtain?

Other (hungover and sleeping) friends: Yeah sure

*Curtains drawn*

*Room-wide cringe ensues*

Which brings me to my next two pro-tips:

Pro Travel Tip 8: Travel with the pros

You don’t want to be wandering by yourself asking, “hey if you were drunk, where would you look for another drunk person?”

Pro Travel Tip 9: Strip-club rules:

  1. Carry cash only. No credit cards
  2. Keep your mouth shut. No exchange of fluids
  3. Make them earn it

Also, if you’re not a gambling pro, keep your stakes low. You’ll have a better time 🙂